


Let Me Go

by RyanAckart



Series: Logan the Lone Courier - Part 1 [15]
Category: Fallout 3
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Chem Addiction, and well, hehe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-28 06:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20421461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RyanAckart/pseuds/RyanAckart
Summary: No matter how many obstacles you've overcome together, sometimes that isn't enough to conquer new ones. No matter how much you love a person, sometimes that just is not enough





	Let Me Go

“I got here last night. I stayed in the common room.”

“What?” Harkness grunts. “Why would you stay there?”

Logan shrugs and chews through a mouthful of mirelurk cake for breakfast. “It was late, I figured you were asleep.”

“...You have a key.”

“I meant I didn’t want to wake you.”

Harkness huffs. “Okay.”

“Are you seriously mad? What’s the big deal?”

“I’m not mad.”

“Whatever,” he mumbles and continues eating.

“I’m going back to work.”

Logan watches him go then sighs. They’re fighting so much more these days, he doesn’t understand what’s happening. Did they jump into things too fast? Or maybe all that radiation changed something in him. He should’ve died, should’ve at least become a ghoul, but he didn’t so maybe it broke something inside him instead.

Logan knows he’s not the same as when he left the vault nearly a year ago or even the same as when he started the purifier last year. Makes sense that their relationship would change as a result. He just wishes it were for the better.

He picks at his plate in the Galley then takes a swig of gross bitter coffee. He doesn’t want to admit it but he was putting things off. It wasn’t _that_ late when he arrived but during his last time in Rivet City they spent the whole time snappy at each other. Harkness accused him of abusing med-x _again_ and Logan got mad. Again.

He’s almost starting to dread his visits and that kills him. He doesn’t know how to fix things, all he knows is that he hates it here. People recognize him now, call him a hero. But he doesn’t feel like any hero. He just feels sad and broken and wishes people would stop talking to him about it. It wasn’t him who did much of anything, it was his parents’ vision and his parents’ work that brought Aqua Pura to the Capital Wasteland.

Logan roams Rivet City alone for a few hours, giving Harkness time to cool off. He seeks him out on his lunch in the break room. He’s sitting alone but a few other guards are around.

“Hey,” Logan greets.

“Hey.”

He sits across from him. “How’s work going?”

“Slow. Nothing too exciting going on. Oh, I’m going to the Rudder after work so I won’t be home until later.”

“But...I just got here.”

“You’re welcome to come but you never want to anymore.”

“I wanted to talk to you about something but I guess it can wait until tomorrow.”

“If you meant that, you wouldn’t have brought it up until tomorrow. I can go home to change after my shift, do you want to talk then?”

“Sure.”

“I should get back to work.”

Harkness leaves and Logan feels completely alone. How did things between them get like this?

He senses eyes on him but when he glances up, none of the guards are looking at him. With a sigh, he stands then attempts to find something to occupy his time.

~~~~~

“Logan, Logan. _Logan_.”

“Yeah?” he slurs, opening his eyes. He only meant to lie down a moment, not actually fall asleep.

“You wanted to talk,” Harkness says and stands.

Logan sits up and watches him go to the closet. “Oh, right. Uh...”

When he doesn’t continue, Harkness stops. He looks at Logan then approaches the bed. “Is everything ok-”

“Let’s leave Rivet City.”

“Do you mean...on a vacation?”

“No, I mean permanently. I...I can’t stand being in DC anymore. I just want to go somewhere where nobody knows me, where I’m not constantly reminded of my dad or the vault or my friends or anything. I thought it didn’t bother me anymore but it does. I need a new start, _we_ can have a new start.”

Harkness sits down, face twisting in what Logan assumes to be thought. Finally he says, “I don’t want to leave Rivet City.”

“Why not? You can work as a guard in any town.”

“But I like it here, it’s my home.”

“This rusted tub? This place fucking sucks, the people suck. I thought I was your home.”

His eyes narrow. “This ‘rusted tub’ is the safest settlement in the wasteland and I take pride in doing my part to keep it that way. I care about its citizens and I have a lot of friends here. Just because you snap your fingers, that doesn’t mean I’m just going to jump and pack my bags.”

“You didn’t even think about it-”

“Did you? This came out of nowhere. Is this just a whim of yours?”

“It’s not a whim. I’m fucking miserable and you don’t care at all.”

“I have been here for you time and time again. Don’t try to manipulate me into doing whatever you want, that’s not a partnership. You’re the one who doesn’t care how I feel.”

“I do care.”

“And you show that by trivializing my job and how important it is to me.”

“It’s not fair to me to stay unhappy!”

“Then go!” Harkness snaps. “Leaving isn’t going to keep you from using med-x or drinking all the time or stop us from fighting.”

“I’m not fucking using med-x.”

“We both know you are but that’s not the the topic right now.”

Logan throws his hand in the air. “Whatever.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. I’m late, I’m gotta go.”

Logan’s alone again. The longer he thinks about it, the madder he gets. Harkness refuses to even consider it, he refuses to consider Logan’s feelings. How can Logan ever be happy here when it’s all one big reminder of what a disaster the last year of his life has been? And to accuse him again of abusing med-x? Sure, there’s some in his bag but it’s for _pain_ because it’s a pain medication and he gets into a lot of dangerous fucking situations. His body hurts, his mind hurts, everything hurts. After everything he’s been through, does he not deserve a little relief?

Logan doesn’t understand why Harkness is making such a big deal out of it. Is it really that surprising Logan wants to go? They can start again in a new city. With his experience as security chief, he’ll have no trouble finding work. Logan can’t stay much longer, he knows that much. So what if the idea only formed in his head a few hours ago? That makes his unhappiness no less true. Abandoning DC was always the inevitable choice. 

He doesn’t even want to stay on this ship right now. Harkness is right, all they do these days is fight and Logan is tired. He doesn’t want to fight, he just wants things to go back to how they used to be. That can happen if they leave together. But they’re not leaving this moment and he doesn’t want another argument so he tears a piece of paper out of his journal and scrawls a note. He stays a little while longer and then like a ghost, vanishes from the ship.

~~~~~

A couple days pass before Logan decides to return to Rivet City. The job he took was only a small one. It’s Sunday, so Harkness is off, and they should probably talk about what happened. Maybe he’s come around on the idea of leaving. Is it really that surprising that Logan wants to go? So what if the idea only recently formed in his mind, deep down he’s wanted to leave for a long time. The more he thinks about it, abandoning DC was the inevitable choice.

It doesn’t take long to find him, he’s chatting in the market with Holmes. A bag’s in his hand, he must be running errands. They briefly meet gazes and Harkness ends the conversation shortly after. Logan waits for him to approach.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Logan says quietly.

“You just disappeared the other night.”

“Yeah. Thought it’d be best. So we could cool off.”

He nods. “We should talk. Uh, alone.”

“Your place then?”

“Yeah.”

The walk to his cabin feels awkward and Logan hates it so much that this is happening between them. Harkness asks how things at the purifier are going but there’s not much to tell. Things are fine. What would his dad say about this situation? Would he have any advice to give?

Harkness puts his bag down once they’re inside and Logan does too. They sit at the table and Logan’s never seen him look more solemn.

“Do you still want to leave DC?”

“Yes. I’m not exaggerating when I say I have to.”

“And there’s nothing that will change your mind.”

Is it supposed to be a question? Because it’s spoken like a statement. Logan confirms what he already knows.

“Right.”

“I’ve been thinking about it constantly since we talked. And I think you’re right, you do need to leave here. I think exploring the wasteland will be good for you, getting away from this place will be good for you. But I can’t go with you. I can’t leave Rivet City. Even if I did, all it’s going to do is make us fight more--just in a different unfamiliar town. It’s the right decision for you but it’s not the right one for _us_.”

“What...does that mean? If I go but you don’t...” Is Harkness tearing up?

“I think this is where we should end things.”

“B-break up? You want to break up?”

“I...Logan, I love you. I will always love you. But look what’s happened between us this year. You’re barely here anymore and when you are, all we do is fight and argue and get mad. Neither of us has a lot of experience but we both know that’s not what a relationship is supposed to be. And you can deny it all you want but I know you’re using med-x more than you should, you’re drinking all the time-”

“Oh, and you’re perfect?”

“Did I say that?” he growls. “And far from it. But see what I mean? We can’t say anything without snapping at each other.”

“And the solution to that is to break up?”

“This is...so hard. I’ll always be grateful that you came into my life but we need completely different things. So...yeah, this is the solution.”

Logan’s eyes burn. “So that’s it then.”

“I’m sorry.”

Tears fall down his face and Harkness isn’t looking at him. Or can’t look at him. Logan doesn’t know what to say. Of course they’ve had problems for a while but to split up? Harkness would rather do that than leave Rivet City?

Deep down, he knows Harkness is right. They’ve been on this course for months and leaving DC is the tipping point. He can’t stay here. He can’t. The thought of Harkness not leaving with him is heartbreaking, but he can’t force himself to stay for him.

He suddenly stands and grabs his things. There’s no reason to stay in Rivet City now, is there? Harkness reaches his hand out, not touching him, just lingering as if unsure what to do.

“Where are you gonna go?”

He almost snaps something sarcastic at him. But then he says, “For now, Megaton.”

“You have stuff here.”

“Keep it.” He doesn’t want to pack, he just needs to get out of this cabin and off this ship. He bolts into the hallway, shoving past a family walking by. His tears fall harder, until he can barely see, but he has this place memorized. The afternoon sun beats down when he bursts through the door. He stumbles to the middle of the bridge before needing to stop. He drops his backpack and leans against the railing and just cries, ignoring whatever guard must be uncomfortably watching.

How the fuck did his life come to this? How did he end up out here, did his dad die, did he fall in love just to fuck it all up? What’s he supposed to do now? Does he leave the Capital Wasteland tonight? Does he wait in case Harkness changes his mind?

Because he would take him back in an instant if he did.

He screams and kicks his bag. It’s true, he knows he’s been drinking more. He knows he’s using a little more med-x than he needs. He just needs something to dull the pain in his mind. It’s why he wants to leave after all, Logan knows he can’t continue this way.

“Goddamn it!”

He falls to his knees and tears at his backpack. He rips open the pocket containing chems, most of it is stimpaks...and med-x. As he stares, he wants to shoot up right there. This feeling inside him hurts and he’s desperate for relief, to feel anything other than this. But then he grabs all the syringes and hurls them into the Potomac. What a fucking sight the ‘hero of DC’ must be.

He remembers the very first time he crossed this bridge and how nervous he was that it’d collapse. Now he wants to fall off and dive into the water. He gathers himself enough to stand on shaky legs. Then he turns his back on the place that used to be his new home.

“Hey!”

He spins instantly and for a moment Harkness has come back to him, ready to apologize for his mistake and leave Rivet City tonight. But then his eyes land on the guard stationed by the bridge. He’s pointing at his bike chained to the railing. Oh. How could he forget his twenty thousand cap contraption?

He walks back and mumbles ‘thanks,’ neither man wanting to make eye contact. Once it’s unlocked, he gets on and rides across the bridge. Harkness isn’t coming for him. Logan rides off alone, wondering what he’s going to do now.

**Author's Note:**

> I, uh, I'll have more to say at the very end of this series heh. Which will be the next fic, Part 16


End file.
